Allowing me to be me

Phil 1:6
”being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you
will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus”

One worry for me has been that things I learned during DTS about myself and my behaving,
will not carry on after DTS, that I will go back to same old what I used to be.
And seeds, what took place inside me just dry and die.

I started to find myself more. I got freedom from my chains, which tried to sufficate my life.
I started understand that process I went through began allready two years ago.
Process of Allowing me to be.. me.

Sometimes I think about that time when I didnt show anything about me. I hide my feelings and dreams and fears. I was hard, solid and unbreakable. I was strong, at least I thought so.
Through many obstacles and disappointmens God started to speak to me. The power what was keeping me in one piece wasnt enough, cause it was my own power.
I understood. I need God. Then started hard times. I wasnt so strong at all.
Relying God started. Step by step I allowed him to become my strenght. He is my power and my everything.
I was growing to be me. To be human. To be weak.
Slowly but surely I was going forward.

Now after growing togehter with God, and letting him be the driver in my car, and letting him to turn the wheel, I feel freedom.

In DTS, where I was almost 6 months, with 11 other people, I could say I have grown more. Safe atmosphere, loving christian family and common passion for knowing God more gave wonderfull opportunity to grow and learn myself. I allowed people come close, cause I really learned trust them.
Those 11 person for me was blessing. I felt loved, I felt I was part of something, and I knew that they were for me. And I for them. Giving and receiving.

Now, Im back to Finland, and that fear came, that am I ever able to build similar relationships in my life. Maybe growing faster could make me fall easier, and killing the seeds what grew inside me?

”...he who began a good work you will carry it on to completion...” (phil 1:6)

I will trust God in this. He will not let my seeds dry. He started that work inside me, and will carry it on to completion, like this verse says.

I dont have to be affraid. God is on my side.