If I only could say to myself dont feel something, I would do that.
But its not possible to live full life without feeling pain amd sorrow sometines. ..
I know that God is there and I believe that he is mu strenght.. just my feelings are something that tries to steel that truth .
Sometimes I hope that wouldnt feel anything. ..
If i wouldnt hope for something and have dreams I wouldnt be disappointed.
I sometimes hate that Im so open and so easy to read. . Its hard for me to hide myself, even before i was pretty good in that. .
I cannot do that anymore... and deep inside me im glad i cannot... just sometimes i hope i still had those Walls around me that no one could see who i really am. No one could Hurt me... but also no one could reach my heart and my life would be empty... i would live in a lie...
Sometimes i envy that time when i lived in a lie, and i thought i was Strong and unbreakable...
But when i rememeber what prize i paid for that, i immediately know this is better.
I felt strong- yes,
I thought im unbreakable
And I said I Fear nothing...
But I did not have love, empathy nor happines. Rarely I had joy or hope..
When I closed myself from disappointments and bad feelings I also shut the door from all the things what makes life meaningfull
I was empty shell and i felt nothing. .
That is the prize i dont Wanna pay anymore. .
So even i feel pain or sorrrow
Even im sad..
I Then know that im alive.
So do i wanna stop feeling?
Do I wanna close myself so I wouldnt Hurt?
Do I wanna stop dreaming?
No way!!
Life will hurt me many times but as many times or maybe even more I will feel that Life is worth of living.
